No, you don’t need another person’s approval.
God has already deemed you valuable.
Our God is not a God who does things haphazardly. So know today and every day that you were carefully planned and lovingly designed.
As my kids get older and I reluctantly relinquish them little by little into this awful world, where people are all too happy to push their insecurities off onto other people, where people would rather tear someone down than build them up, I try to impress their value into their minds. No, I don’t want them to get big heads… I always tell them to remain humble, and that their looks are just that… looks. The importance is having good character. There are plenty of attractive people in the world with garbage personalities. We don’t need any more of those.
While it is still necessary for your children to know that in your eyes they are physically beautiful, it is more important for you to make them understand that they don’t need the approval of another person to be alright. As they get older, I’m sure they will want to fit in. They might be like I was and have problems with their skin as they go into adolescence. My daughters might have that awkward stage where their body is kind of developing and kind of not. Maybe they’ll need glasses; maybe braces. Either way it goes, there might be something about them that either they don’t like, or some other jerk will bring to their attention as a flaw.
How can one overcome insecurities in this superficial, shallow, plastic world? Well, what does the Word imply to you in terms of your value?
Number one, we know that God makes no mistakes. If you just consider for a moment the majesty of God, the awesomeness of His works, and remember that He didn’t have to allow you to come into being. He didn’t have to make you. But He did. And we all know God is not a man, He is a spirit, but imagine if you will how much work He put in when He made you. God being spirit doesn’t have hands, but I like to imagine Him in deep thought, designing your blueprint like an architect does before erecting a magnificent skyscraper, paying attention to the smallest details, even numbering the hairs on your head.
Would you take that much time on something you didn’t value?
Second, we have to realize that everyone has flaws. Some have flaws that are not as visible as others. I think God purposely gave flaws so that people would remain humble. It’s not happening now. Instead, people project their flaws onto others. This is something I cannot understand… what joy would I get from making fun of someone who has a face full of acne, as if they asked for it? Why would I have to put someone down for not having clothes as sharp as mine without knowing their background? What difference does it make to me in my life how someone looks or what they have? Short answer–it doesn’t.
There is a stark difference between myself and my son in particular, and I kind of worry about him. I have a much thicker skin than him and a smarter mouth. In middle school and high school there were some people who had comments about my appearance. They were irrelevant. Just as quick as they could point out my flaws, I could point theirs out, and usually with a more colorful vocabulary. Then I would go to my group of friends or my family, feel the unconditional love from them, and keep it moving. On the occasions where someone has said something to Jayden, I’ve asked him why he said nothing back. He said he doesn’t want to hurt their feelings, even if they’ve hurt his.
Not his response, but that there are people in this world that are so awful that they can’t appreciate that kind of kindness and tender-heartedness. I’m not so much worried about my girls–I think they’re going to be pretty tough–but what I’m not interested in is hearing about some little boy whose parents haven’t spent as much time trying to develop his moral character as they have his jump shot making my son feel bad for being a nice person.
Christian I may be, but this is no society to raise wimps, so I tell Jayden he can defend himself from verbal assaults as well as physical. The verbal defense, if he is not comfortable, doesn’t have to be anything mean. All he has to do is inform the person that he doesn’t care whether they like him or not. I’ve told him time and time again, for the one person out there who doesn’t like you or is jealous of you, you’ve got literally hundreds of family members and other friends who think you’re just fine the way you are. And a mom who has not reached peak-Christianity yet and sometimes wishes I can shrink back down twenty years and throw some of these kids to the ground on his behalf.
In Sunday school, we discussed this subject. I was hoping there would be more kids to hear the message, because they all need to hear it. When God made you, He had a plan for you… the mighty, omnipresent, omniscient God of this universe took time out of His busy schedule just to make YOU. That should mean something to all of us. He decided the world needed YOU, and He wants to use YOU to help advance HIS kingdom. That right there ought to tell you how valuable you are. You don’t need a stamp of approval from someone who has no more power than you do. When God finished your blueprint, that was the only stamp of approval you needed.
Your worth has been determined. Don’t wait on anyone else to define that for you.