If you are reading this, God has been so kind as to allow you to see another year.
I’m not going to waste time rehashing 2016 or bemoaning the negative things that may or may not roll over from last year into this one. Instead, I am working on actively pursuing this year as the opportunity for a fresh start. Last year, I allowed my illness to consume entirely too much of my time. Now, I am not going to beat myself up over it, because I am used to being healthy, and suddenly being unwell required a major shift in how I processed myself, my life, my surroundings, everything. And I am still a work in progress.
The brain MRI and EEG came back clear. There is nothing I can do about that. On the positive side, that could signal that what I have is not neurological and may be more musculoskeletal. On the negative side, that means I still have no idea what is going on.
But do I feel like waiting any longer for doctors to figure out what is going on, or do I want to forge my way back into some semblance of a life? My body is going to hurt regardless, so why not have it hurt and be happy that I’ve accomplished something? I have three beautiful kids and no desire to watch them grow up from my bed.
I have been thinking quite a bit about Dad and how I wondered why he didn’t tell us how he was truly feeling, or what was really wrong with him. I know now. He couldn’t change the circumstances, so why wallow in them? Instead, he used his remaining time to be as much a help and blessing to as many people as he possibly could. I now believe Dad knew his time was limited, and instead of laying in bed waiting for death to come, he enjoyed the rest of his life. He made sure the people he loved knew it. I vividly remember when I was in the beginning of my illness and stayed the night with him and Mom. When Layla woke up in the morning (Jayden was still at school), Dad insisted I lay back down. He got Layla breakfast and ate with her. He was not feeling well himself but he wanted to do it. Once breakfast was finished he was tired and had to lay down, but yet he summoned up the strength to put forth a gesture of love toward me and my daughter.
There is no reason I can’t do the same.
Mind you, I don’t want to push myself too hard and possibly pass out or be too spent to be productive the following day. But facts are facts. I am grossly overweight and I don’t like it. I have to get up, get moving, and get cooking. I have been doing research and have a plan to put into action.
With that being said, my very attainable goals for 2017 are:
- Grow in my relationship with the Lord. I can never do enough for Jesus.
- Finish my novel and get it published. It is shaping up nicely and I am actually pretty excited about seeing the finished work myself. I am having difficulty narrowing down publishing options, so that will be a project, but I’ll get it done.
- Lose at least forty pounds and maintain it.
- Be a better and more attentive wife and mother.
Whatever your goals are, I pray you reach them. I hope that growing with the Lord is one of them!