The Bible never says the Christian life will be easy. We have our difficult times just like everyone else. There are only three conditions in which we exist–either we are currently in a problem situation, just coming out of a problem situation, or about to go into a problem situation.
This earthly life is short and full of trouble.
My heart is troubled and I know it’s going to be awhile before I can shake it. There have been several “firsts” that we have had to deal with–“firsts” without my Dad present–and I am not looking forward to there being more. On August 29th we “celebrated” his birthday–without him being physically present. Labor Day was the first without him. The kids had their first day back to school without Granddad there to give them hugs in the morning or attend their morning assembly. My son’s ninth birthday and my niece’s sixth birthday are both in October. We will have our first Halloween without him–a holiday he enjoyed just like any other. He would always turn on the heater outside in the garage where he could pass out candy and greet the kids. He loved seeing his grandkids in their costumes.
We will have our first Thanksgiving without him in November, followed by my birthday. At this point, I don’t even care to celebrate it. I am attempting to shift my way of thinking–of COURSE every day that God gives us is a blessing, and we should rejoice in every day the Lord has made. That is a given. But sometimes, when things are cloudy, it is difficult to do.
I don’t want my kids to see me wallow away in grief, and admittedly right now they are my main motivation for trying to get my feelings together–that and knowing there is much more to be accomplished on the behalf of my Lord and Savior in this world. Despite my grief, at least I have the blessed assurance that Dad and I will meet again. Other than my family, I am motivated knowing that this world needs my spiritual activity to continue.
In the meantime I am seeking continued prayer from all who are willing. I don’t know why, but the last few days I’ve been more upset than I had the days before. Probably because I want to see my Dad and cannot. Probably because I want to talk to Dad, hear his voice, and get a comforting hug, and cannot. It is, without a doubt, the most painful thing I have ever endured. Sometimes I want someone around to comfort me, a lot of times I just want to be left alone–and cannot, depending on where I am or what I am doing.
Deuteronomy is on its way 🙂
It’s always going to hurt, but maybe one day it won’t hurt so much.